School Me: Lessons I Didn't Want to Learn

FNS

Yesterday was my first time supervising Friday Night School. (Also known as "FNS" - because you know how the education system loves its initials and acronyms.) FNS is a three hour detention held on - you guessed it - Fridays after school, from 3:30 - 6:30.

In the past, when emails were sent out asking who wanted to supervise FNS, I couldn't delete them fast enough. What sort of hell on earth would it be to spend three hours at the end of a long week with a bunch of troublemakers locked in the school library? Then came an ugly divorce that wreaked havoc on my finances, and suddenly FNS looked much more appealing. Payment for working FNS is based on your annual salary level, and with 18 years of credit and a Masters, that works out to about $50 an hour for me. Sign me up!

Students are assigned to FNS for a variety of offenses: tardies, truancies, multiple dress code violations, failing to show up for teacher detentions and just generally being a royal pain in the ass. The vast majority of students make it through all of their middle school years without ever experiencing FNS. Others end up there one or two times and pretty quickly realize there are other places they'd rather be. And then there are the "Frequent Flyers." There are certain students whose names appear regularly on the weekly FNS roster. In fact, I think that when (if) they promote at the end of 8th grade, we should consider placing small brass name plates on their favorite FNS chairs. One week we had so many of the Frequent Flyers suspended (mostly for fighting and drug possession) that we got to cancel FNS - there weren't enough students signed up to make it worthwhile.

Of course, the fact that Frequent Flyers come back again and again does make one question whether FNS is an effective consequence for them. My guess is that no, it is not. But unfortunately we are not allowed to save ourselves and society a lot of time, trouble and money, give them advanced credit for incarceration training and move them straight into the prison system.

Some kids are just like that. Here's a great example. I have a strict NO GUM rule in my classroom. We got new carpet two years ago and I know that won't happen again for another 20 years, so I do my best to keep it looking good. Since students seem physically incapable of keeping gum in their mouths and/or locating a trash receptacle, it is not allowed in my class. Actually, it's not allowed at school period, but not all of the teachers enforce this rule. I understand why - we all have to choose our particular battles. And besides, some of those other teachers still have the ugly old carpet.

Anyway, I had just popped a student for chewing gum in class for the umpteenth time. The student sitting next to him - who, ironically, has an IEP for ADHD and numerous issues with "impulse control" - commented, "Man, why do you keep chewing gum? You know she always catches you! I got caught once and that was it. I quit chewing gum here." I took the opportunity to explain that there are three types of people in the world:

Type 1: You tell them the stove is hot and they will get a painful burn if they touch it. This type of person thinks to himself, "I don't want to be in pain. I'm not ever going to touch the stove." End of story.

Type 2: You tell them the stove is hot and they will get a painful burn if they touch it. This type of person thinks to himself, "I'm not sure I believe what I've just been told" or "I bet I won't get burned." He touches the stove, gets burned, and then decides not to touch the stove again in the future.

Type 3: You tell them the stove is hot and they will get a painful burn if they touch it. This type of person thinks to himself, "I'm not sure I believe what I've just been told" or "I bet I won't get burned." He touches the stove and, sure enough, gets burned. Ouch! But then something odd happens. Maybe he thinks it was just a fluke, and he probably won't get burned the next time. So he reaches out again and . . . Ouch! Well, obviously he can't be this unlucky every time, right? Surely if he touches the stove again . . . Ouch! This must be a trick. There must be a way to touch the stove without . . . Ouch! That damn stove! How dare it keep hurting him like this! He'll show this stove who's boss . . . Ouch! And so on and so on.

FNS is made up of lots of Type 3s. So is prison.

Type 3s don't fit well into society. They definitely don't fit well into the school environment. The school staff spends an inordinate amount of time and energy dealing with the Type 3s. These kids suck the life out of you. Most often their parents are just as challenging. (There must be a genetic component.) We try the "good cop" routine: cajoling, rewarding, modifying, tutoring, counseling, trying to find some way to make a connection. We try the "bad cop" routine: "time-outs," detentions (before school, after school, during lunch and for three fun-filled hours on a Friday afternoon) at-school suspensions, at-home suspensions, even mandatory transfers to another school in the district. In the end, we are exhausted, frustrated, burned out.

And the Type 3s? They're off looking for another stove to touch.