School Me: Lessons I Didn't Want to Learn

Test tube babies, Pt. 1

I've said for a long time that this job would be much easier without the parents. Like if all our students just sprung from test tubes . . . what a relief! How that would simplify things!

In my years of teaching, there have been many parents I liked very much. They were supportive, approachable, reasonable people who wanted the best for their children and were willing to do the hard work required to make that happen. There have been other parents whom I tolerated. Mildly annoying, they most often said all the right things but rarely "walked the walk." And then there are the parents who make my blood pressure skyrocket.

Here is a recent example from an email I received:

Hi Ms. Teacher,
Hello, my name is Mr. Presumptuous and I am The Golden Boy's uncle. Today, him and I were discussing his grades in the class, and I noticed an assignment I had qualms about. The "Rules Quiz" given on 2/11, TGB received a grade of "D" and I was about to chastise him, but I thought about the merits of a "Rules Quiz," and his mother and I both agree we do not know if we agree with giving an assessment on the rules. Grading should be about academic work and effort, and although rules are important, I do not feel it should be in a place where it should be assessed. I hold TGB to a high standard when it comes to academics, and even the "B" in his class is not acceptable to me, he knows he needs to get an "A"/ try his hardest. Would it be possible for TGB to complete another assignment instead of this "Rules Quiz" or strike it from it grades all together? His mother and I continuously push him to succeed in school, so if you would like to speak to me personally feel free to give me a call anytime with questions, comments, or just checking in on TGB's performance.

My first thought was, are you freaking kidding me? What one earth makes you think you have the right to tell me what I can or can't teach, can or can't assess? When you have a degree in education, a credential, a masters and 18 years experience in the classroom, THEN we'll sit down and do some lesson planning together!

For the record, we had spent the first day of the new semester - all new students - going over classroom procedures and rules. The students took notes while I modeled on the overhead (note-taking skills, anyone?). They were told there would be a test on the information so they should study their notes. My purpose in giving a test was partly to make sure they knew the rules (I get so tired of the "But I didn't know!" excuse) and to give them yet another opportunity to improve their studying and test-taking skills. There were 15 true/false and multiple choice questions - many of which had silly, ridiculous answer choices, to bring some levity to the event. And there was a bonus question: What is the name of Ms. Teacher's guinea pig?

After taking several hours to cool off, here is what I wrote back to Mr. Presumptuous:

Dear Mr. Presumptuous,
Thank you for contacting me with your concern. While I have not met you before, I have met TGB's mom when he was in my class last year, and I know that she definitely "runs a tight ship" and keeps high standards for TGB. I really appreciate that involvement, and it clearly shows in
TGB's work and behavior.

As I'm sure you are aware, classroom management has to be in place before learning can even begin. We spent the first day of class going over rules and procedures. The students took notes while I modeled on the overhead. I subsequently gave the quiz that you wrote to me about. I believe that it is important for students to be aware of rules and procedures in order for my classes to run as smoothly as possible. In addition, I try to incorporate basic academic skills into my classes whenever possible. Note-taking, studying and test-taking are just some of those skills. I am sorry if you and his mother disagree, but ultimately it is up to me to design the course of instruction in my classes. (No, I didn't put the bold in my actual email.)

There will be three more grades added before I submit report card grades next week - an Excel project, an Excel skills assessment and a typing progress grade. If you would like something he can work on at home, and you have a computer with Internet connection, TGB can work on his
typing lessons. The program we use is web-based so anything he does at home will show up here at school. The website address is www.stopurwhining.com.
Sincerely,
Ms. Teacher

I hate having to swallow my indignation and make nice. I know it's not politically correct to even think this; schools are supposed to welcome parents with open arms and make them feel that they are a valued part of the team. And lord knows I do my best. The problem is when they are not a part of the team, but rather acting as the birth-appointed attorneys for their offspring, doing everything in their power to work against the school. (See "Seriously?")

It makes me want to "go Judge Judy on them." (A teacher friend and I came up with this phrase while watching an episode one evening. We loved how she called people on their s--t and didn't even bother to try to sound nice while doing it.) I swear that holding this inside is taking years off my life.